Monday, July 25, 2011

there is first time for everything

How does it feel when you are feeling sick and you have an exam the next day?
Ask me. you will get a full, appropriate answer.
i have a lot to practice in Maths and i dont FEEL like studying at ALL. 
i have completed only a single chapter till now and that was the easiest by far- continuity and differentiability.
why cant the entire mathematics be as interesting as calculus.
I mean things like matrix and determinants are hardly for science students. they hardly need any thinking, just concentration and only concentration.
ok, determinants are cool and i like the proving parts but finding out the adjoints and inverses gets on my nerves!!
then coming to the part i positively hate- relations and functions
i hate that chapter. no kidding.
my legs hurt a lot. cant even stand up and walk. i wonder why it has to be like this before exams.
i NEVER fall sick before exams. NEVER.
now i understand what it feels like being really unwell and not being able to concentrate on anything. (except food maybe)
i should seriously start doing something now. or i will probably flunk or something.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Daily pains- physics

Physics exam- monday.
can my life get any worse?
ok my life isnt that bad you know. despite all my moaning and groaning. But still. just a single word is enough to RUIN my whole mood. guess what that is?? (no awards for guessing.) PHYSICS.
Why the hell cant i opt for any other subject than that?
why the hell do i have to pass the cut-off in this terrible subject for ALL the exams?
why the hell cant i give any other exam TWICE instead of physics?
why why why??
Please God, either take me or this subject out of this world. we cant possibly stay together in the same place at the same time.(taking physics out would be more preferable actually)
So there were these 3 IIT bhaiyas who came to my house yesterday(all in 4th year). i was typing my story, so i was highly irritable when my mom told me to say the customary hi-hellos'. whatever.
it doesn't pay you anything to be polite-where are your manners- all time in front of the computer-what do you do there??? and blah-blah-blah. so i had to go. i mean i prefer public embarrassment to my parents making snide comments. 
Hi bhaiya.
hello bhaiya.
and then- sit like a dummy.
cool bhaiya. ya, thats right. just ignore me there. no, no i dont mind at ALL. i mean who would if you get such a great chance to admire the boring walls your home suddenly? I WOULD.
i creep out of the room when no one was possibly looking at me (nobody was giving me any patta anyways).
i open my physics textbook grudgingly for a moment when my father call out "kirti".
"what" i shout(in telugu obviously. if i do that in hindi or english my Dadi would probably dig a grave and bury me in the living room itself. she already complains such a lot that i dont know proper telugu).
no reply.
"what?". i shout again.
no reply.
frustrated, i go back to the living room again. i mean i was reading Physics. ok, i mean i was staring blankly at the pages. it's the same thing actually. Reading physics== blank staring== drifting slowly== daydreaming.
anyways, i go there and everyone was staring at me. why couldnt i just disappear into the earth? i am sure Bugs bunny wouldnt mind. i mean i dont need much space to live.
ugh. i am going mad.
why are you all staring at me?? i shout.
no, no, correction. i shout mentally. physically- i am giving a radiant smile.(my teeth are near perfect after all).
I smile till my jaw aches and then i stop smiling. obviously.
i got a sort of mini-scolding from my father about manners and stuuf. this was double quota cuz my mom had already given me a lecture on it.
the worst part is, when you are being sort of mini-scolded in front of others, you have to smile. yes you have to. (dont you dare argue with me). so i smile.
jaw ache again.
"baiya(s) want to know how your studies are going on dear". my father tells me.strange. my father never calls me "dear" anytime.
"so. class 12 haan? we thought you were in 9 or 10"
ha ha ha. that was so funny. i mean what to SAY. my stomach is bursting with laughter. HA.
as the conversation begins, i open up(as usual). People say i am frank-the-great ('-the great tag' is adopted from suranjana) and i live upto my reputation.
the bhaiya's are very nice actually. they talk so freely and nicely. the conversation was all good till the topic of PHYSICS came up.
"i honestly suck at physics. i mean i cant make the head or tail of it. it is so boring" i whine.
"all girls hate physics" they snigger. then the lecture begins
ta-ta-ta-da. (make it sound like a dirge)
physics-is-imp-for-cut-off-marks-in-all-exams and how-will-it-work-if-you-say-you-are-scared-of-physics and you-have-to-read-it-with-interest and it-is-not-a-subject-to-mug-up-like-chemistry.
 and the last piece of suggestion:
"Buy D.C.pandey. It will help you definitely. and it will bring about your interest in Physics. if you have any doubts, feel free to call any of us. you still have time with you. you can do it if you want. good luck"
they leave with me very sober and serious and i stay up till 1 in the night studying physics. it is not that bad actually. Current electricity is cool and i have always had fun solving the 'equivalent resistance' problems.
electromagnetism is a bit tough but i am grasping it slowly.
but it doesn't take out my dislike and obvious fear for the subject.
i hope it goes away in time. i mean i dont want my exams ruined and future ruined since my parents wont hear of me taking literature anyways.
sigh. some people around me are so nice. i mean who takes interest in the i-hate-physics-woes of a 16 year old kid(well i am strictly NOT a kid, but i am for them. if you ever call me kid, i am gonna punch you in your face :P) i am really really grateful. and if this takes out my disgust for physics, i would be even more than just grateful.
but at the end of the day : Please God, either take me or Physics out of this world(taking physics out would be more preferable) :P :P

PS: i dont think i would be blogging this week due to exams
so long

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The amatuer photographer??? :P

These are some random photos that i took this week. Hope they are good!! i have many talented photographer friends to tell me if they are!!


One of the roses in my garden. My mom spotted it first. this is actually my favorite colour. pale pink... lovely..

These are not cherries!! some other fruits in my garden which my dadi uses to make "achar"(yummy)
A close up view of the first shot

My henna colored feet that i was talking about. I wanted to put it on my hands too but its not allowed in school :(

Sunday, July 17, 2011


This is quite an old poem; i wrote it in class 11. i stumbled upon it quite recently when Sushmita was ruffling by my spiral notebook and said that she liked this one a lot. so i thought about sharing it.
I feel very lazy to type cuz i am blissfully happy watching Smosh and RWJ after WEEKS. and my parents cant complain either. i was a goody-goody studious girl this whole week. Anyways here's the thing(havent thought about the title. suggestions would be more than welcome.)

I see you, in the alley of clouds
I hear you, and the sound is loud
I feel you, tingles down my spine;
And i wish, I could go back in time...

I touch you, there is a wall in between
I search for you, you're nowhere to be seen
I yearned for you, but now you're gone;
and i wait till you come back in the morn...

I pray for you, my prayers go unheard
I speak for you, but my words are blurred
I smile for you, but my smile is fake;
and i wish to erase all my mistakes...

I find you, this time in a tide
I discover you, with a change so wide
I reach for you, there's a stranger in your eyes
and i resign, as i suddenly realize...

I took you, as the bright sun ray
but you regarded me as the night of your day
i leave you, burden on my heart;
but i wish with you i could never part...

I present i am busy admiring my henna colored feet. such a lovely color!!(for info, since this is "shravan maas" for us, it is traditional to wear mehandi before the poornima) My granny was appreciating me for ONCE. i really got a complex past week when my brother was here cuz it seemed like nothing i did could please her. the whole time it was like- Look he is doing so much work even when he is here. sooo sweet of him. and look how well he cooks. why cant you learn from him. let the poor boy sleep in the AC room, you are going to stay here only. huh. whatever. seems like she spotted some girl in me finally :P :P

so long,

Friday, July 15, 2011

A hurried post

School sucks. 6 best hours of my day getting wasted in front of my eyes and i can do nothing, absolutely NOTHING to change it. i dont get time to write, to post on my blog, to read other's blogs- all the things i love doing so much and i would blame the entire thing on school.
I am posting this after a long long time and that too in a few stolen minutes because my life at present is going round in circles- school, come back home. groan and moan and fuss over not eating. getting scolded by mom. being fed forcibly. period.
i hardly get time to sleep in the afternoons these days for i either have tuition or i have to sit and do the homework. so come back in the evening, go to tuition again. come back at almost 9-10 PM, feeling tired, hungry, sleepy, frustrated. then- struggle to stay awake late nights to study but fail and go off to sleep in tension and panic about HOW i will get into a good college and get good marks in the board at the same time.
that day(rather night) i cried till 12 in the midnight. my poor brother had to council me for an hour. ask the reason??? the same old. the same old. i-wont-get-anywhere-i-have-to-read-in-some-sucking-college blah and blah and blah.
gosh, i am sick of myself.i get depreseed myself and dont stop from getting others depressed too. ughh.
i was scared to death on hearing about the blasts in Mumbai. Many of my relatives and friends stay there but thankfully everyone is safe. hope this terrorism ends some day.
what else. if i type more, everyone(including me) would end up getting depressed. sigh.
ending here(and hoping to get myself killed rather tha going to school). hope i have something cheery to say next time.

hating school...

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Another Haiku?? :P

If my pen's nib breaks and
and the ink flows; would I bank
the river of my words?


My first haiku?? I have no idea. I wrote this at school with all my friends like "why cant you do it. just give it a try yaar" and... well... i ended writing one... or two :P:P

Would my dreams really
survive; if a crushing crater 
falls from the sky?

This poem was shared at OSI.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Whats the matter with me??

I had a weird dream last night... really WEIRD. i mean, i don't usually remember my dreams but somehow, i remembered this one; maybe because i was in a half-sleep state.
i could distinctly remember waking up at 4:30, and peeking at the clock in the dark and screwing my sleep-filled eyes to see the time. I had planned to get up at 5- to study for the P-block test i have today, so i slept for a half-an hour more. and thus- remembered the weird weird dream.
it was very pathetic actually. i had gone(in the dream) to the Rath-Mela(strange that it is starting today itself) with my friends(something we have been planning since the last week) and somehow, the place we went to was an unfamiliar one. after that we had bought all the tickets and stuff to ride the "gaint wheel" when suddenly this guy(i wont take his name, i dont want my blog polluted by it :P ) came and said something to me(that i cant remember now) and it boiled rage within me and i ended up going home without having fun- angry and humiliated.
sounds really weird isnt it?? anyways, i woke up in a really bad mood and i couldnt concentrate on the ENORMOUS reactions of the P-block members and i grew more frustrated.
so im blogging to ease some of that so that i dont end up giving a bad test. its really rude of my subconscious to inflict forcefully the presence of a person im trying so hard to avoid isnt it??
Hey Mr. subconscious, you can be a real pain in the jugular vein sometimes. even at school, i try and make a good job of avoiding these people. and that i day i almost ran into him at the corridor (i ALWAYS bump into someone or the other in that corridor- once it was Pandey sir, the other time it was Kar sir and other innumerable people) but its really unfortunate that i bumped into HIM isnt it??
i mean i had to scrub myself extra hard during bath that day.
Ughhh... What the hell am i blabbering about??? whats the matter with me???
i am supposed to be happy these days. i mean most of my teachers have also noticed that i am a bit too bouncy, and cheerful than normal(mind you, my normal cheeriness isnt that normal too!!) then why am i getting these stupid thoughts and pathetic dreams??
sigh. i badly need a dose of craziness. can you hear that sattu??
God. even i cant make out what i have written in this post. somethings really wrong with me. wish i knew what it was. maybe i have an obsessive THINKING disorder.
i think i should strictly stop here. i am getting depressed with each word and moreover i dont want to lose whatever readers i have with all this weird and boring stuff..

so long-