INCANDESENCE


She looks beautiful even when she cries;
but i  would rather see her beauty through her smile....

I wish she could read this,
see through those beautiful eyes obscured by the smoke of pain
and realise- 
doesnt matter who deserts her,
for i will always be there forever...

The inevitable fire engulfed her identity,
and what was left was only a faint trace of her originality
it was gone- her quick smile, her childlike anger, her soft soul...
charred by the ambers of cruelty, of hate

I wish she could read this,
and i could see her eyes filled with the tears of joy, exultancy
rather than the tears of blood, of misery, of pain.

i wish she would hold my hand again
and whisper in my ear-"Abhi i love your poem"
and playfully punch me before she dances away,
the waves of her beautiful hair bouncing on her waist...

but now its all gone
the expression in the melting depths of her eyes,
the innocence in her exotic smile,
the warmth of her hand around mine...

all replaced by a dull, abysmal emptiness;
echoing her screams in the walls of her heart,
with her eyes holding a reminder of what she is going through...

the brown of her eyes isnt warm anymore,
the fire has burned it out
no expression, no emotion
just empty blankness

but an unanswered question scorches me out
the unspoken doom-
the bewildered fear in her eyes scares me
as if she doesnt know who she is, where she is
and what did she do to deserve all this...

it makes me feel wretched,
that i am at a stones throw
and yet so far away...
that my hand is held out for her
but she doesnt even look at it- it is as if she cant even see im there

so lost, so forgotten in her own world of despair
i feel like a stranger, 
only that it is she who is turned into a stranger
and the ache of this realisation wrecks me.

the fire took away her everything
the biggest irony is that it took away my everything too
i wish she could read this
and understand that with every step she is taking forward to lose herself
she is making me go the same way too
making me go the same way too...

the sirens of the ambulance ring out
and i see her hyperventilate,
it makes me desperate to see that 
when she is finally reaching out to me,
i can do nothing to stop her fate...

she screams,
only that no one can hear it except me
for its all wordless,
for the burning in her eyes is more loud than her unspoken words...

they drag her away, 
with words of comfort mean nothing to her
for she had lost everything she loved in that fire,
in that fire that never stop to burn away the thing I  loved too...

i caught her hand at the last moment,
her tiny palm was steel cold
but the way those cold fetters gripped my fingers
made me wish i could scream "i am the one she needs..."

 words die in my throat...
she finally freed herself from them
i saw her more alive than she was in weeks as she came to me
and whispered
"i dont want to go Abhi, i want to stay here...pl..please... stop them...st..stop..."
yes, i wanted to shout;
yes, i wont let them take you away... but my voice betrayed me again; yet again...

it was with finality they came and pulled her away,
and this time, this time she didnt protest
her tiny figure was slumped with resignation, with acceptance,
that her fate was a combination of all the worst of this world.

she turned for the last time
but she wasnt even an echo of the girl i knew
her eyes, finally were dead.
after all the struggle, all the war, they were dead.

i saw her retreating back once more,
only that there were no beautiful curls bouncing with joy,
grief overpowers me,
and i slump to the ground...
hands to my face...
wishing, just wishing she would come back
and read this
and know,
that i was losing the light of my life
for i was always afraid of the dark
and she was the one who served as an incandescence.....

Comments

  1. That was beeeautiuful! Really really beautiful!

    By the way Happy Birthday. I called you today morning but I guess you were busy so I left a text. Hope you got it :)

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  2. arre yaar mera mobile mummy ke paas rah gaya and she is at my masi's place at the moment so i didnt know... but i will call u as soon as she comes back...thanks btw...:):)

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  3. thank you. it was totally spontaneous..

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  4. Fantastic write on such an emotionally charged story!

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  5. thank you so much Thomas.this is very unlike the usual style i write in...

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  6. sad, what a drama,
    well told story.

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  7. THE CRY... so beautifully carved.. detailed yet so nicely flowing... nice read...

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  8. thank you Bhargav. yes it is definitely detailed but i felt as if the details were necessary.

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  9. Hello.
    I had tears in my eyes reading this.
    So sad...so powerful...so bittersweet...so beautiful.

    This was an emotional & heart-wrenching story.

    Beautifully penned!

    Thank you for sharing.

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  10. Thank you very much Andy. this made you cry?? sorry for that. thanks to you again for reading this. keep smiling :)

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