Saturday, August 16, 2014

Catching up with times

Things have been weird lately. 

Well, nothing can get more weird than me not writing the usual crap I write on my blog and for that I will have to apologize to my imaginary readers because I don't believe I have any left anymore :P

So, I am actually getting the feeling that I am talking to myself which shouldn't be very surprising because I tend to do that sometimes. Most of the times. 

I am not mental. 

There was a time when I used to read about a dozen books a week. Reading in a KV with the most amazing library ever has to do everything with that. And now, when my bookshelf is just overflowing with books that I have always wanted to read and always wanted to buy, I find that I don't have that much time to actually finish what seems to be like a overlarge, pending To-Read list. Those really were the good times.

I don't know what this post is about. A product of having too many incomprehensible thoughts in your mind maybe. Right now, there might not be an answer on my lips if you ask me if anything is troubling me and yet I would sit by the window of my room brooding the whole night. 

There are some times when you wish there was someone who would find the answers for you. But there never is. Not really. You have to find them on your own. Or give up trying and be influenced by the people who have been influencing your decisions (read-taking your decisions) from the beginning of time. 

I am not whining. I swear I am not. 

Things are pretty normal with me though a change of hostel and two whole new roommates can be unsettling in the beginning. But apart from that, it is the usual five-days-of-college-then-rush-back-home routine for me. And apart from getting progressively lazier, there has been no stark changes about me either. 

As for my college life, it seems like a monotone but is at least better than what it was in the first year. It is just the feeling of indecision gnawing me day and night. What after this? What choices do I have? What do I really want? 

One thing has been very clear from the very beginning though- what I am doing is definitely not what I want. 2 years of engineering and I still don't have a subject that I love reading, that I would love teaching because teaching is all that I had ever wanted to do.

But the funny part is, I had always imagined myself teaching a class full of awed students a Tennyson poem and not Fluid Mechanics to a room of sleepy teenagers who are waiting for the class to end. Because that is what I do- wait for the class to end. 

The truth is, the above statement is not funny at all. It is actually as sad as sad can get.  

I think I just swore I won't whine a few lines ago. You must forgive me :D

Maybe this is just a midnight rant. Maybe in the morning everything will be normal again and this would seem old. But would any morning change this truth and some certain realizations I have made about my life?
Realizations that I am too ashamed to share, too fearful to express? 

I would hope it would, but then that would be just wishful thinking.

-A Kirti who fears for the dreamer in her. 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Energy Boosters of My Life

There are some things in our lives that bring us out from the darkest of times. They add that pinch of spice in an otherwise uneventful lives and make our outlook much more brighter. In other words, they add zeal to our lives. Everyone has their own list of such things and here is mine:

1. Books: 

"So many books, so little time". This has to be the most commonly used quote ever but it gets across my feelings so precisely. I have been addicted to books ever since my brother put a Enid Blyton book in the hands of a 7 year old me and I haven't looked back since then. It takes me just a good book to make me forget all my woes and miseries. Every time I open the pages of one, I forget the entire world around me. Books are divine- they give me that hope and zeal to keep walking on the path that I had chosen. 

The Book that has me bankrupt now :P But no regrets!

Just a few racks of my book shelf

2. Music:

Friedrich  Neitzsche says, "Without music, life would be a mistake" and I am glad that my life is not a mistake. Music is the biggest inspiration for me; it is amazing how vividly I am able to imagine a particular song as a story with all the emotions put into it coming alive.Good music never fails to move me, touch me, and raise goosebumps on my arms.
So be it the childhood favorites of Hannah Montana's This is life, Rockstar and If we were a movie, the amazing fusions of Coke Studio India or the beautiful melodies of Yiruma, music defines me and adds infinite zeal in my life.

3. Friends:

“If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.” This is a line from one of my favorite favorite books, Winnie the Pooh by A.A.Milne. I find myself really lucky to be saying that I do have such people in my life whom I would want to keep till the day I stop breathing. It is very hard to find good friends and I wonder sometimes how I landed with having such amazing friends. They know me better than I know myself (It IS true), can make me laugh in the worst of my moods (and I sure can be cranky as hell), love me for the way I am and make my life so awesome. 
Best friends :)
Good friends= Greatest zeal in life.

4. Walks:

I love walking. Period. 

Be it a stroll in the campus alone or the chatter session with a close friend, walking is my favorite way of spending my time. I have been taking walks since my childhood days- we would wrap up a day's play in the evening and walk to the huge grounds of Tatasteel stadium in the campus. And when I became too big to be jumping around in a playground with kids, walking was the way all my evenings were spent going on walks with friends. We would stop at a favorite haunt to hog, successfully gaining four times the calories we might have lost by mistake :D But who cares right? 

And when I would be all alone in the town, I would take my favorite walk circuit and it would clear my head amazingly, make me think on the stuff that I had stashed in the pending drawer of my mind and help me have a clear approach on everything. Walking is like a huge release to me and needless to say, it is a big source of zeal in my life.
A walk with a close friend Sattu :)

5. My mother:

Me and Mummy :)
If there is anyone who fills me the most with enthusiasm and positivity about every thing under the sun, it is my mother. She is this amazing person who would find the bright side of everything and encourage me to do whatever I started because most of the times, I am filled with self doubts and leave it unfinished. She would take interest in WHATEVER I did right from painting a circle on a paper to washing my socks. She is the most creative person I have had the good fortune to meet and her touch is like magic. She can transform even the most mundane things into something very beautiful. She is patient and kind and loving and the best mother one can possibly dream to have. 

So yes, all the credits for filling my life with energy and zeal would hands down go to my mother!

This post is a part of the #ZestUpYourLife activity in association with TATA Zest and

The Black Wishes

Who DOES NOT love black? Black, I have always felt is the color of non being. And that is where, as McGonagall  so wisely says, all vanished objects disappear. I love black because it mixes with everything and still stands out. It is, I my opinion, the classiest color imaginable. So whenever  I am in doubt, I go with black. Confused with my mobile body color? Chose black. Cannot decide what the hell I should wear? Put on a pair of black jeans. Shoes for college? Duh. Black floaters of course. If there is a color that you could choose with eyes closed and rest assured, it would be black. It looks good on EVERYONE and it can never go wrong.
Though there are about a hundred black things that I would absolutely like to covet, these are my top five

1. A black notebook-

I have always, ALWAYS wanted a notebook like this one. A plain, black cover, with a rubber band to close it shut and a small holder at the side for a pen. It is elegant, handy and simply AWESOME. I have goosebumps just at the THOUGHT of running my fingers over the black surface of such a notebook. Too perfect for words!

2. A black Kindle-

I have ALWAYS had people suggesting me that I get a kindle because I appear to be living in stone age to most of my friends with a good for nothing phone and absolutely no internet access. But more than the necessity to do FB and play candycrush, people suggest it to me because reading novels would be so simple then. I had never really considered the idea of replacing the amazing feel and of paper with an electronic gadget so when my grandfather told me that instead of buying so many books, I could just buy  a kindle (I bristled at the idea, let me tell you) and be done with it, I retorted with a ‘I don’t want all my books looking and smelling the same’. But now, after I had a go on my friend’s kindle, I kind of started entertaining the idea of a kindle. Don’t get me wrong, I am a bibliophile and I LOVE buying books so my sleek, black Kindle(If I ever get one) would be for all my engineering text books (which are WAY too expensive) and with the money I save on them, I could buy myself more novels! Great plan huh?

3. A black wand-

To say I simply want this would be an understatement. I NEED this. Every living cell of my body craves for this ever since I read the Harry Potter series. I have probably spent the better part of my childhood trying and making a beautiful, black wand like this one but needless to say, it has always been a huge fail. And whenever I look at THIS one and just see the sleek black handle of it, the magnificent body with the slender vines like structure it, I weep for its absence in my life. 

4. A black treasure chest-

Do you see that? Do you see that perfect, beautifully engraved black chest? Well, now you know what my dreams look like. I would KILL to have a chest like that standing on my shelf. All the things I treasure- letters from my friends, a pocket radio given by my best friend, the amazing cards that my best friends have made for me over the years and the tidbits that I love a lot. I do have a wooden chest but a black one? Would die to own it any given day.

5. Sirius BLACK-

Okay, so this character has been in my fantasies ever since J.K.R’s created world and my real world met. Sparks flew and BAM! Mr. Darcy and Phil of the future got blown away only to be replaced by Sirius Black. Have you ever read about a character that is super cool, super brainy, super funny, super troublemaker and somehow, super single at the same time? I give you Sirius Black. He's my favorite marauder, he made dog my favorite animal and gave 'cool'ness a whole new turnover. And yes, it is my secret wish to sit on that motorbike of his.
No, I refuse to entertain any idea that says that he is *gulps* DEAD. Sirius Black is very much alive and is in every way the man of my dreams.

But as Mr.Black is not a ‘black thing’ technically and despite my belief, impossible entity to possess, I would settle with the wish for a black Alsatian whom I would obviously name Padfoot. I have always wanted a dog and what would be a better thing to wish for than this!

This post is a part of #WhatTheBlack activity at